A woman recently asked me to help "write a letter that will help me reconcile my marriage with my husband." The two had been in trouble for a while, but over the last few weeks things had escalated to the point where the husband had hinted that he was going to move and possibly ask for a divorce. Thus, the woman felt compelled to propose something to prevent this from happening. She hoped that the good letter would do the trick.
I understand very well the appeal of a letter. You can pour out your heart without having to worry about being interrupted or stumbling over your words or becoming too emotional. Sometimes it's easier to write delicate words than to say them. But unfortunately, too often, I see people making serious mistakes with this type of letters. I will discuss these common mistakes in the following article, tell you how to avoid them and discuss what the letter with the best chance of succeeding should include.
Understanding Basic Human Psychology Before Writing the Letter Reconcile Your Marriage: Before you begin, it helps to understand exactly what you want the letter to accomplish. In most cases, people hope the correspondence will help their spouse save the marriage. They hope to change the perceptions and feelings of their spouses from negative to positive.
To that end, it is so important to understand how your letter will be perceived. The biggest mistake I see from people is probably that they focus on themselves in the letter (rather than on their spouse). They give most of their attention to their own feelings and fears. Examples are phrases like "I do not know what I would do if I lost you." Or, "My heart breaks and I pray that we can get there." It is okay to sprinkle some of these phrases in the letter, but be very careful that the whole tone of the letter is not negativity and fear.
It is very important to understand basic human nature and psychology. People will point to those emotions, things and people that make them more positive and optimistic about their situation. And, people will move away and have negative perceptions about these things that lower them. Make sure your letter is not extremely negative and based on black emotions like fear, jealousy or possession. Review it several times to make sure you do not constantly mention what you feel or want.
Keep in mind who your audience is. This is your spouse or other important person. So the letter should mostly be about them and what you will do now to make things better for both of you. Keep in mind that they want to know how and why things will really be different. The nice words are nice, but most people will see through this and are more interested in how your actions will affect them directly.
It's only human nature that people want to know what is meant for them rather than is in for you Focus on painting the way you are actually going to make things better. Of course, this requires that you have a workable plan before sitting down to write the letter. But it does not matter, because you should never really think about how you are going to make real and lasting improvements to your marriage.
It's so often your actions over time and not your words that matter. And so often, if your marriage is in trouble, your spouse will already be a little reluctant to what you have to say anyway. So, yes, a letter can open doors for you, but to get through that door you will usually have to rely on your fast, measured and decisive action.
Finally, do not dwell too much on going to "work" on your wedding. Sometimes, when spouses hear this sentence, it gives a very negative image. Many people do not quite try to make their way through their feelings and reach the conjugal clock. You can usually say the same thing in a different way to make it more appealing.
You will often have a much better chance if, instead of telling them that you are going to "solve problems" with them, you will focus on bringing back your hot, hot, connected relationship to what it was. This gives them more hope and gives them an incentive to get on board.
Here is another clue. Men or husbands will often respond better to references to improving your physical relationship. They crave physical intimacy which means that you are drawn to and grateful to them. Women or women want to be appreciated too, but emotions will usually be more important to them than the physical (although this is important for us too). So, if you're writing a letter to your husband, it's better to focus on a physical link than to hint at how you are going to "work" on your problems. In fact, both spouses often want the same things, but they often do it in a very different way. It is important to keep these things in mind.
In the end, these are just empty words on a page. If you do not keep your promises and do not follow them, then it is better not to write the letter because your spouse will doubt your sincerity even more and your work will be much more difficult. the end. But I have seen several carefully written letters being the catalyst for reconciling marriage as long as they were followed by good deeds.