Not particularly practical? Does the mere thought of household repairs send you into a deep depression? You may be suffering from MTDBS: Multi-Thumb Dysfunctional Brain Syndrome. Researchers have recently begun to chronicle this devastating disorder, and estimate that it can affect up to ten million American men. Scientists quickly point out that MTDBS is not the same as a klutz. "A klutz is physically unqualified, lacking dexterity and agility." A person with dysfunctional multi-inch brain syndrome has a brain disorder that reduces their conceptual skills at the level of a young baboon. Gertrude Steiner, director of physical capacity assessment laboratories.
Effective therapies are, unfortunately, still years old. Scientists must first isolate the specific genes, neural pathways and synapses involved in disability, and then devise strategies to help those who are afflicted. At the same time, men are not without hope. Dr. Steiner recommends that men with MTDBS follow these clinical guidelines when faced with housekeeping:
1. Nod and Frown. When your wife recommends a home repair, immediately begin to nod slowly up and down. This expresses both the acceptance of her as a person and expresses your thoughtful consideration of the project that she has suggested. Then, with a delay of more than two or three seconds, start frowning. If you have facial dexterity, a more pronounced frown on one side is superior because it expresses a more thoughtful posture. This frown conveys a sense of understanding that belies the confusion that underlies who is now grasping your brain.
2. Make a statement, though simple, statement of support, like, "Yeah," or, "Gee, that sounds good." This sets up the initial phase of escape from the project, distracting your wife with the speed of your acquiescence. The next step is critical. Commit the escape phrase to memory: "Hmm, let me see what I can dig up online." Do not modify this sentence. It has been scientifically tested and proven. Then, breathe deeply, give a thoughtful thought sign and, almost like an afterthought, gently utter the escape phrase. Now, turn around and head to your desk, closing and locking the door behind you.
3. Search your heart on the self-improvement sites of the house. If you become nauseous to their sight, try to do your research using only the light of a small desk lamp. Print two copies of twenty-five sets of plans, ideas, sketches, drawings and lists of supplies. Circle and highlight various sections of the first sets of plans, making manufacturer notes on the pages: "Maybe Hammer," "Paste," or "Screw – cool! Wad up the other sets of shots, fill the trash to overflow and then disperse the extras on the desk and on the floor. When your wife brings coffee, she will not say a word – it will be obvious that you are engaged in serious work to eliminate crooks who dare to call craftsmen.
4. Stumble in the bed long after midnight, sighing deeply with the weight of your responsibility. When your wife asks you if you understand, tell him: "Of course, but it's not going to be pretty, a note of caution is in order, make sure the lights are off at this time- The fact of not doing so can compromise the whole process because, in extreme functions, even the most able men to find their own faces without expression betray them.
5. Dressed in torn jeans and an old T-shirt, a hammer on your wife as she steps back from the driveway Close the door, secure the chain and adjust the deadbolt By throwing the hammer aside, go to garage and disable the automatic door opener OK, go ahead – smile while you walk After the project waiting, but not sure yet what the finished product will look like, make a detour through the kitchen, take in a cold refrigerator when you pass, and through the back door. "Bernie! Point Bernie and his crew to the project – so take a step back and watch the miracle of crafts unfold before your eyes without a mind.
Is there a cure for multi-finger brain dysfunction syndrome? They are however skeptical, but they seek to significantly improve the functioning of patients. "Our goal," says Dr. Steiner, "is to eliminate the stigma of shame in men who are now functioning at the level of young baboons." The first results are promising and "Hopefully, we will someday be able to offer these poor men hope to function at the cognitive level of moderately intelligent chimpanzees." Godspeed, Dr. Steiner – Godspeed.