The Christmas period (ie, any day after Halloween) is when your radio is filled with witty songs about family, faith and a fat man in costume red. But appearances can be deceiving. We often forget that Frosty the Snowman melts / dies at the end of his song. Or that Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer, has probably been an insult to slaughtering his playmates. Many of the most beloved Christmas songs in the world are just staggering stories of death, helplessness and hopelessness . Remove your pink glasses, because here is the sad reality of some of your favorite Christmas songs:
YOU HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS (written by Hugh Martin & Ralph Blane, 1944. Among the performers: Judy Garland, Frank Sinatra, and James Taylor)
The original version begins with the first punching phrase: "Good little Christmas / C & # 39; is perhaps your last". When Judy Garland judged these words too depressing (the girl had instinct), the writers lightened her a little. Yet, the last verses ("One day, soon we'll all be together / If destinies allow / Until then we'll have to sort out somehow") shows the hard message of the song: Let's enjoy these holidays while we can, because life is
SANTA BABY (written by Joan Javits & Philip Springer, 1953. The performers include Eartha Kitt, Madonna and Kellie Pickler)
First, it's about the most bitchy Christmas song of existence. It is a woman flirting with Santa Claus for that he gives her money (if this woman is a stripper ready to be interpreted). An attractive young woman trying to seduce an old man for money? Looks like it could have been written by Anna Nicole Smith around 1994. The 1987 version of Madonna is particularly disturbing, since her vocalization inspired by Betty Boop until she asks her father to "come and cut my tree." Christmas". I know this quote is taken out of context, but it sounds so dirty from Madonna.
I SEEN MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS (written by Tommie Connor, 1952. The performers include The Ronettes, The Jackson 5 and John Mellencamp)
The premise is that a boy goes down on Christmas Eve to see the Santa, but finds his mother with the man in red under the mistletoe. And we are led to believe that Santa Claus is actually the father of the dressed boy, so everyone is happily misunderstood when the boy goes to bed again under the impression that his mother is a whore. But nowhere in the song does she say explicitly that "Santa" is actually the narrator's father. It could be anybody. A neighbor with a fetish for red satin. An elderly volunteer from the Salvation Army. Or the true Saint Nicholas (he is real, no?). And even if it was the boy's father, so what? Walking on your parents doing love is a pretty ugly memory, but seeing it happen during your favorite vacation could ruin your Christmas memories forever.
DID IT KNOW? (Written by Bob Geldof and Midge Urie, 1984. Performed by Band Aid, Band Aid II and Band Aid 20)
Musician Bob Geldof formed Band Aid to raise funds for the fight against hunger in Africa. This little piece of depressing vacation became the band's anthem, which originally included Bono, Sting and George Michael. In 1989, Geldof recorded the song again with Band Aid II, with Kylie Minogue, Bananarama and Lisa Stansfield. And again in 2004, Band Aid 20 (including Chris Martin, Robbie Williams and Joss Stone) made the song a hit.
And who does not want to love? Oh yes, the fact that the song contains some of the most depressing lyrics of any music, let alone a Christmas song. Band Aid was there to let us know that people were starving in Africa, and because we appreciate all the Christmas beasts and figgy pudding, we are all to blame. Because Sting told us that in Africa, "the only water that flows is the bitter sting of tears". Thank you, Sting. Merry Christmas to you too. But wait! There is more! Well, my dear Bono, the guilt trip is even bigger when he tells us all this, "tonight, thank God, it's them to you." Yes, Bono. Exactly what I thought. To make snow angels and sip cocoa must mean that I am grateful that all Africans are dying. "Do they know it's Christmas?" is the musical equivalent of these dying puppy commercials with Sarah McLaughlin. There is nothing good (or happy) about it.
I'll be home for Christmas (written by Buck Ram, Kim Gannon and Walter Kent, 1943. The performers include Bing Crosby, Perry Como and Gloria Estefan)
famine in Africa, this song is rooted in the real misery of life. Written during the Second World War (note aside, is it just me or the co-author Buck Ram is he too named to not be a porn star?), This song was about the hope of & # 39; A soldier that the war will end soon enough to be home to him in time for the holidays. Agree, agree. Wanting to be with your loved ones is what holidays are like. It's full of hope, it's touching, it's almost a good song. But if that was the case, I would not talk about it. No, hope returns to the last line: "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams." So after all that, he knows that he will never be able to go home for Christmas. Spoiler alert?
PLEASE MAKE YOUR HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (written by Charles Brown & Gene Redd, 1960. Artists include The Eagles, Jon Bon Jovi and Aaron Neville)
A bit like "I'll be home for Christmas" , this song is a depressing achievement to spend Christmas alone. This song makes you understand why Christmas is often cited as the time of year when rates of depression and suicide go through the chimney. When the singer pleads "my baby is gone / I do not have friends", it does not fill you with joy of celebration.
SANTA CLAUS COMES TO THE CITY (written by J. Fred Coots & Haven Gillespie, 1934). The Crystals, and Bruce Springsteen)
Take some of this song's lines of choice and this sounds more like a threat letter from a serial killer than a holiday jingle: "You'd better to watch … He sees you when you "I sleep. He knows when you are awake. Shiver.
BABY, IT IS COLD OUTDOOR (written by Frank Loesser, 1944. Artists include Ray Charles and Betty Carter, Rod Stewart and Dolly Parton, and Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson)
This famous duo of winter is what I like to refer to as "an ode to rape". The premise? A woman is at a man's house. She wants to leave. He wants to have sex. He uses time as an excuse to force himself. Do not believe me? Let's look at some of the words "he said, she said":
Woman: Really, I'd better run.
Male: Baby, it's bad.
Woman: Say what in this drink?
Man: Does it bother me if I get closer?
Woman: The answer is no.
Male: Baby does not hold.
I'm sorry but even if I do not know whether or not he slipped something into his drink, I think the phrase "THE ANSWER IS NO" should have been the big clue to back off . But what do I know? Apparently, she was only playing hard to get. Guess no does not mean no after all. At least not at Christmas.